It’s weird how when we get older our confidence gets shook up a bit and we start doubting ourselves a little more. Having courage means we don’t have fear, it means we have the willingness to face our fears head on. In a world that often feels overwhelming, cultivating courage can transform our lives in profound ways. Facing the unknown and doing things scared is a big part of my path to greater courage—how I learned to embrace vulnerability, take risks, and confront challenges that once held me back. Join me as I explore the moments that sparked this transformation and the lessons I’ve learned along the way, hoping to inspire you to embark on your own path to unshakeable confidence.
Some of my biggest learning moments came when I moved to New York City. It is also there where my Jiu Jitsu journey began. When I think back and see all the people I met on the mats, some who are my best friends, were we all connected by what T. Swift would say, “invisible string”? I digress. Jiu Jitsu has played such a crucial part in my personal growth. It’s where I built a foundation of discipline, found my inner strength, and resiliency. I remember my first class. I showed up late because I was scared to try something new. I’m not sure of what exactly I was afraid of, but taking that first step was a life changing stepping stone. I loved my first class so much, did not have a clue what I was learning, but I had so much fun that I came back over and over again. As soon as I knew that I would be heading to the gym to train after work on a regular basis, other lifestyle changes began to fall into place.
Understanding Courage vs. Confidence
A common misconception of courage is that fear is absent from it. Like I said earlier, I was scared to go to my first jiu jitsu class, but courageous enough to try! Even though we’re scared sometimes, we act anyway. That’s the best way I can describe courage. How does that differ from confidence? Confidence is a feeling of reassurance and can be situational, confidence can fluctuate based on context. Someone might feel confident on the jiu jitsu mats, training everyday, but not courageous enough to compete. That’s not a bad thing at all, maybe it’s something they tussle with. That’s just one example.
My Journey
How far back do I go? What shaped my understanding of courage? It has to be when I repeatedly continued to compete. For my entire jiu jitsu career competing, I partially did it scared. Despite all of those feelings, I showed up for myself day in and day out. Once I figured out how to revolve my days around my training schedules I was really able to get the time on the mats I needed to improve my skill. I knew that I was working towards a certain goal, to improve, and competing did that for me. It accelerated my learning and its where I developed a strong mindset. I honed in on the goal of getting the best possible outcomes at competition and if that didn’t happen I was back training to get better.
What a typical day looked like for me, something that was super structured:
6am – personal training client
7am – group fitness class
830am – personal training client
11am – competition class
12pm – jiu jitsu
4pm – teach kids jiu jitsu
6pm – jiu jitsu class
It was somewhere along those lines. I commuted around the city and sometimes would workout with my friends in between. I also worked as an event planner and/or personal assistant. New York kept me busy! I packed my food for the day and was bag lady with multiple change of clothes! It was all so lovely, tiring and a pain in the butt, but I loved it.
I was courageous, but after awhile I began to confuse courage and confidence, the two really contrasted. What I learned along the way is that words are powerful and how we speak to ourselves will reflect in your life. If you say you suck, you will probably suck. It’s why we’ve heard time and time again to speak kindly to yourself. This was a crucial time in my life where I needed to practice believing in myself on the daily. The way that I took notes to reinforce the techniques I learned in class, I also journaled and wrote of how I felt and noted positive moments from my day. Times when I did lose, I had to remember that this was an opportunity to learn. The saying is so cliché, “you don’t lose, you learn,” but in order to build my confidence, I had to continue to learn. Even though I was scared, I needed to be more prepared, and with preparedness you begin to build your confidence muscle.
The Role of Fear
Facing your fears is part of building that confidence muscle. The more I competed, the more confident I became. The more that I trained and studied my matches, I still did these things scared, but I would feel more scared if I was not prepared. Some of the scariest moments were traveling across the country to compete because if you lose your first match you’re out. That’s it. You’re done. That always scared me because of the the time I put into training only to lose right off the bat. One could think and complain how expensive that is to do or a waste of money, but to me it was invaluable experience. Nothing more scary than stepping out onto that mat, sometimes a whole arena filled, and it’s just you and one other athlete out there. There were times I traveled with a team, but one time stood out to me. Flying out to California for Pans, one of the bigger competitions of the year. I was a Purple belt at the time. I flew there alone. Why I express the importance of building a strong mindset because as I sat there waiting and even during my warm up, I was thinking too far ahead. All the “what ifs” entered my mind– “what if I fly home a loser?” these thoughts creep into your mind and it can really mess with you. You get scared, but you’re there, and you pray that you are present for the match that is in front of you.
Leading up to Pans, I did my best to prepare. I trained my moves I wanted to hit, I decided where I wanted to be on the mat, I made sure to be mindful of the time and to look up. So when my first match came around, I made sure to do all those things. I reminded myself to breathe and tackle each scenario one at a time. I traveled alone, I stepped out onto the mat alone, and even through I had a gang of teammates back home who supported me, I had to face that day on my own coaching myself. I lost that day in my 3rd match, the semi-finals. I felt so prepared for this, but I lost and it wasn’t my day. This was a huge moment in my jiu-jitsu career because I was so proud of the work I just did, I believed that I could come back and take the gold. I knew I was on the right path to where I wanted to be. So if I never acted on this fear, I wouldn’t know this confidence. It helped me be confident enough to fly to Las Vegas 6 months later to compete again in another large competition, Master Worlds.
Mindset Shifts
“It don’t give much to give bad thoughts wings.”
I have been competing in Jiu Jitsu competitions since I was a white belt and my first competition was with only a month or two of training, but like I said, I fully submerged myself into the martial art after that first class. There was no better time than the present. We often wait for the perfect moment and I could have easily told myself, “I don’t know enough to compete” as that fresh, crisp white belt. The moment I began, I already in some way had the mindset of “I must do it now.” We often think too much and I am guilty of that throughout my competition career, but many times I showed up and said “this is what I need to do to accomplish x, y, and z” versus “I’ll wait a few more months,” is when the mindset had a shift. All the small daily actions to reach my goals of making the podium, winning gold, and every decision to move forward helped build momentum. It takes time and you have to trust the process, but I continued to show up for myself daily and realized that growth happens when you decide to take action. We can easily talk ourselves down and go down a rabbit hole. Believing in yourself takes practice, it becomes a skill on its own, so feed your mind and body with positive actions and thought.
Overcoming Self-Doubt
Learning to love myself where I was at became a big part of my journey and believing in myself. Self-love became the foundation to my confidence journey so nurturing self-compassion played a big role. I had to understand to hold the vision for myself even in the hardest of times, show myself grace, and know that I was exactly where I needed to be in my journey.
There were times self-doubt crept in, the thoughts of “what am I doing?” or “I’m not good enough,” but I made sure to shut that down quick. You can’t let yourself live in those thoughts. Some strategies that I did leading up to Master Worlds was writing down that I wanted to be a World Champion and putting it some place that I could see everyday. In this case, it was in my planner. I looked at my planner everyday and this is the space I wrote down my to-do’s and short term goals that I need to achieve to becoming a World Champion. A vision board, similar to writing out what it is you want, can play a big role in getting what you want. You can picture it clearly, you identify exactly what you want, and in some way you manifest it to be true. The daily habits of eating healthy, staying hydrated, drilling, learning techniques, teaching and learning on the regular– the scheduled routine I had, helped me cultivate confidence. I was preparing. I was preparing my mind to be strong even when I was tired. I was preparing my body to withstand adrenaline, prepare it for that “fight mode.” I meal-prepped my food, planned my laundry, and social activities all around this goal. I was prepared. This type of Type-A preparation gave me the confidence. I was confident because I was prepared. The more I did this, the less time I had for self-doubt. Have a plan and stick to it, that’s the best advice I can give you, think of it as a non-negotiable. This helped me silence my self-doubt and embrace my authentic self.
Community and Support System
I mentioned how I traveled alone from New York to a majority of these tournaments. Not always, but mostly. I always felt like I was awkward at making friends, my friends didn’t really compete but did everything they could back home on the mats to get me there. I had a good community and support system of people in New York and friends from Washington State (where I am from) who I could turn to. This makes all the difference because even when you feel alone, you get so much further together. You connect with like-minded jiu jitsu folks who can also see your vision, who believe in you, and will help support you to improve while they are on their journey to improve too. It’s amazing how having a community can boost your confidence even more. The days that I felt like giving up, you know, the times I mentioned self-doubt would creep in, it was my support system who really kept me afloat. This is how important it is to have people by your side. You can be there for each other.
Although I flew to Las Vegas on my own to compete to become a Master World Champion, I had my friends back home supporting me and giving me even more confidence to believe I could do this. It was always the hardest part for me to quiet the mind so prior to competing I was pretty quiet. I tried to maintain routine even on the road, get a morning sweat going, and finding a way to get centered. I was ready, I knew I was. I had 4 matches that day. I remember each one pretty clearly, that shows how present I was. I had a plan every match on what I wanted to do and how I was going to make it happen. 4 matches, 4 wins! I ended up winning my first World Championship that day. These moments wouldn’t be as special without my community and support system, the celebrations are much more sweet with them by my side or in spirit! I’ll never forget jumping up on that podium, it was much higher than previous competition podiums. From that day forward, it was scary to continue to compete, but I continued to be courageous.
Confidence Isn’t A Destination
It’s a journey. It is one we choose to embark on every day. For me, I have learned to embrace my unique path– whether it was through Jiu Jitsu or something else. Each step and experience, no matter how small, has shaped the confidence I carry today.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that confidence grows with every choice we make to prioritize ourselves, show up authentically, and lean into discomfort. I encourage you to take that step, whether it’s trying something new, showing kindness to yourself, or simply moving your body to feel empowered.
Remember, confidence is within all of us. Hold the vision, trust the process, and let it unfold in its own perfect way.
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